The fourth episode of the Arcane Back Page story.
Episode Eighteen
PREVIOUSLY ON "IT WAS A TIME OF DARKNESS":
In the faraway town of Akansaxchukabuk, Princess Breasts has been hurled from a prison tower on the orders of Captain Raxinfraxin. A cloaked figure and the wood spirit Ash rush to save her.
(Scene: The swamp at the base of the tower. The cloaked figure sprints into view, charging through the monsters' ranks.)
CLOAKED FIGURE: Must... reach... Princess...
(He throws his sword into the air and staircases up a crouching monster, launching himself diagonally into a high somersault. At the apogee of the move, the Princess plunges into shot. He curls over her, hurling knives outwards. They thud into more monsters. One staggers back into the figure's path; he lands upon its shoulders, driving its legs into the marsh, springing off instantly into another somersault to absorb the Princess's momentum. He lands adroitly, holding one arm out for balance. Two monsters run forwards. The figure's sword drops into his free hand, and with a classy sweep he decapitates one foe, its head rocketing off at a flat angle to stun the other. The figure whirls to face a bank of monsters, who are suddenly blown down by a terrific explosion. He whirls again, and we zoom forwards to the Spirit of Ash stepping out of the shadows, carrying a huge flintlock sawed-off.)
ASH: Grovey. (He spin-holsters the firearm.)
PRINCESS: Who have you come done why for me?
CLOAKED FIGURE: No need for that, Princess - you are among friends. (He pulls back his hood to reveal he is a woman.)
PRINCESS: Private Petit-Pivic!
PETIT-PIVIC: Inspector now, my lady. But there is no time to reminisce about the days in National Squad when along with Bitsie and "Peps" I knocked the haughtiness out of you and we came to be known as The Famous Four, solving, among others, the Mystery of the Nine-Times House, although after we graduated we drifted apart, as it's a fact of life that you must always lose your friends - I've come to enlist your help against a threat so powerful it could sweep Akansaxchukabuk from the map like a big stupid car driven by a bear and a whiskered redneck. There's a boat leaving tonight - and we have to be on it.
PRINCESS: Tonight! Why, that's later today. (Determinedly.) We must hurry - and quickly.
ROCHANGRAFEL (off): Not so fast, my friends. (The mighty jailer steps into their path.)
PRINCESS: Move aside, dutiful foe, or face death.
ROCHANGRAFEL: We all die some time, Princess.
PETIT-PIVIC (scoffing): Peasant superstition.
ROCHANGRAFEL: Very well. Draw your sword.
PETIT-PIVIC (coolly): No. You draw first.
(A tense pause. Rochangrafel draws his sword. Petit-Pivic runs him through.)
ROCHANGRAFEL: Curse you, Inspector. You were always faster than me. (Dies.)
ASH (conversationally): You had me completely fooled. Not just the voice, either, but the impression of weight and the comportment. First-class.
PETIT-PIVIC: Come on. (They dash through the swamp. Pull back to show they are being viewed through a crystal ball by the wizard Dixdastardlax.)
DIXDASTARDLAX: Curse that dolt Raxinfraxin.
(Enter his servant, Pen-y-Bhystab.)
PEN-Y-BHYSTAB: Master, I bring pleasing news.
DIXDASTARDLAX (hugely excited): Speak, fool.
PEN-Y-BHYSTAB (wearily): But I don't speak Fool. (Dixdastardlax is convulsed with laughter.) Look, we found the tomb of Peyton Pendant, just as you said.
DIXDASTARDLAX (thrilled): And the Sacred Tools?
PEN-Y-BHYSTAB: We have the whole set. And an extra one - a glowing spanner inscribed with a seemingly Oriental name. (Realises.) God - no...
DIXDASTARDLAX (waggling eyebrows): Well, I didn't expect the Spanner Shin-Quasi-Shin.
(A blinding flash. A gaunt stranger has appeared.)
GAUNT STRANGER: Good day. I am Gaunt-Stranger.
(What terrible fate awaits Akansaxchukabuk? Is Dixdastardlax involved in some way? Will there be a third question now the gaunt stranger is here?)