In this module, RightMindedCommonSenseRazorPrinciples(TM) are rigorously stropped upon the MetaphoricalLeatherStrap(TM) of:
"...And now, Pinkie, using all of my advanced origami skills I overlay and fold the cels here, here... and here... bringing the elements closer together... inexorably... until..."
"I get it, Brain. So now it looks like one picture. Narf!"
"But no ordinary picture. See, together at last! Totally unexpected, shockingly audacious, they are united! A spaceship... a planet..."
"Egad!"
"...and the final, devastating fold... BEHOLD, Pinkie, the dawning of A NEW WORLD ORDER..."
"Naaaaaaarrrf. A lensflare. Why didn't I think of that? It's brilliant, Brain. Gnuk."
"Pinkie, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"Er, I think so, Brain, but wouldn't Vaseline weaken the latex? Narf."
"IMBECILE! With this impossibly diverse combination we shall stun the minds of all world leaders, starting with those running the readers' gallery pages of Amiga magazines, and thus... take over the world!"
Wherever one or more Amiga users were gathered together with a rendering package and a 'serious' Amiga magazine, sooner or later you would find JOHNNY SATAN'S TRIUMVIRATE OF GRAPHIC ELEMENTS being reunited once again.
And. Winning. First. Prize.
Hi, kids. I'm Paul Hamilton. You probably remember me from television's 'The Love Boat', or for my Christmas number one novelty dance smash 'Kill Morissey'.
Jonathan 'Handle with Care - Cream Horn Enclosed' Nash has naively asked me to contribute something for AP2, probably labouring under the misapprehension that it would 'be' amusing*.
Before they declared themselves bankrupt (owing me £600, sympathy fans), I wrote a series of articles about Graphics - But On The Amiga for the somewhat shoddy and desperately technical Amiga magazine AUI.
I tried to bring to them some of the ideals of AP, disseminating my best approximation of intelligent thought and hoping to prod those responsible for spaceship, planet & lensflare pictures (for example) into a state of consciousness (or death, I forget which).
Based on this ludicrously tenuous AP connection, then, here is one of those articles (originally printed in September 1996*). Which has nothing to do with computer games whatsoever. And is not funny. If this is likely to offend, why don't you switch off your television set and go and do something less boring instead?
Postscript*
Surprisingly*, the very worst readers' galleries in the history of things ever (worse even than the ones in Spectrum magazines, for example) were those run by AP's stablemates Amiga Format and Amiga Shopper* (both of whom, incidentally, I threatened with legal action for breaching copyright).
Thank you, Future, for your impeccable* standards of quality, for the way you looked after AP, for your championing of copyright (so long as it's yours) and for your ironclad Guarantee of Value*. Once again, we lose.
You ungentlemanly SCUM*.