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Stuart Campbell UNLEASHES THE FURY on Driv3r!!!!
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Eighthours
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 10:57 am    Post subject: Stuart Campbell UNLEASHES THE FURY on Driv3r!!!! Reply with quote

I thought this warranted a topic of its own, as it's utter genius.

Campbell may be a tit, but he's an incredibly entertaining tit.

http://worldofstuart.excellentcontent.com/driv3r.htm

Including such gems as.....

Campbell's cup-a-wrath wrote:
Let's get one thing clear from the start. Medical science in the latter part of the 20th Century and the earlier part of the 21st has advanced at a dizzying speed. The average lifespan (at least in the First World) has been extended by decades in the last century or two, and the pace of the advance of that science is accelerating, not slowing. With stem-cell research, breakthroughs in cloning, keyhole surgery and more, humans will soon become all but immortal. There will be no illness, no injury, no trauma so severe that it can't be repaired, perhaps using replacement organs grown from your own cells, taken at birth and stored until they're needed. This is a good thing.

Because it means that, hopefully within our lifetime, it'll be possible to take the people responsible for signing off Atari's "Driv3r" as finished and ready for sale, imprison them in a dingy dockside warehouse, beat them to a prolonged, blood-soaked death over a period of several days using jagged rocks, then bundle them into a waiting car, take them to a backstreet clinic, have a corrupt surgeon quickly revive them before brain death occurs, carefully and diligently restore them back to health over a recovery period of weeks and months, probably involving lots of exhausting and painful physiotherapy, and then drag them back to the warehouse and beat them to death again. Except slightly more brutally.

Twice.


And.....

Campbell's cream-of-Atari-bashing wrote:
All of the elements of a good game are in place, but only in the same way that all the elements of a spaghetti bolognese are in place if you chuck some dry spaghetti, cold tomato puree and frozen minced beef into a bowl. What you don't do then is declare the job finished and serve it up to the customers in your restaurant for 45.


Ooh look, we get yet another mention (including a couple of links to our superb Driv3r topic).....

Stew Art-ari wrote:
Not long afterwards, disgruntled consumers, on playing the game for themselves, began to question the reviews, and in the light of the leaks, the magazines' staff were forced to admit that they'd knowingly ignored the problems in the game - most of which survived from the early "review code" into the finished product - in order to get the exclusive reviews. In other words, entirely abdicating their responsibilities to their readers in order to generate more revenue for Future and Atari. (And it should be said that reviewing unfinished code isn't the problem per se here. The problem is reviewing unfinished code while pretending to your readers that you're not. Just so we're clear.)


I encourage everyone to read the whole article. Bravo Mr Campbell!! Very Happy

By the way, GAME are reporting 40% return rates for Driv3r. Apparently it's the highest ever.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(By the way, rumours that Steve and I paid off Campbell to write this article are untrue. The envelope was white not brown, and contained Monopoly money rather than real money. Euros, in other words. Whoops, did I just say that? Also we threatened never to visit his website again, and post links to anti-Campbell websites every day on GR. But that had NOTHING to do with the eventual content, text and tone of his review whatsoever. Also the fact that the envelope contained the exact text of the review that went up, is merely a coincidence. How were Steve and I to know that he'd copy it?? I ask you......rumours of corruption are ridiculous!!)
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Last edited by Eighthours on Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:09 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very nice 'Hours, what a funny, funny man Campbell is. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Who does Campbell write for nowadays?
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

GwiDan wrote:
Who does Campbell write for nowadays?


His ego. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Interesting. What mag did he used to write for anyway?
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was a very interesting read, and humourous too.

Well done Mr Campbell for your article and well done Eighthours for finding it.

He sure has his way with words, I could never think of the medical science analogy!
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

phAnt0m buRn wrote:
That was a very interesting read, and humourous too.

Well done Mr Campbell for your article and well done Eighthours for finding it.

He sure has his way with words, I could never think of the medical science analogy!


Sadly I can't take the credit, some guy on rllmuk had linked to it.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

KKLEIN wrote:
Very Interesting. What mag did he used to write for anyway?

He used to do articles for Digi back in the day. I'm not sure what print mag he wrote for though.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

He tends to write abit in Indie mag every month and get Independents backs up quite a lot with his comments. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eighthours wrote:
phAnt0m buRn wrote:
That was a very interesting read, and humourous too.

Well done Mr Campbell for your article and well done Eighthours for finding it.

He sure has his way with words, I could never think of the medical science analogy!


Sadly I can't take the credit, some guy on rllmuk had linked to it.


Steve took my credit for coming up with the name 'Driv3rgate', you may as well do likewise.

Go on... you know you want to... Twisted Evil
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 12:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like Stuart's stuff and it's generally amusing. However, threatening violence against the programmers isn't on - whatever the faults of Driv3r. He's gone too far this time.

For all we know, they might have wanted to sort out all the bugs before release, but Atari insisted otherwise. As programmers and designers, they can't have been happy themselves with putting it out in its current state, but if it's a choice between putting the game out now and having a job for the forseeable future, or not putting the game out and having no job, it's a no brainer.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 12:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In days gone by, I believe Stuart Campbell USED to work for Your Sinclair and Amiga Power, then he got hired by Sensi Software for a bit. Dunno where he went after that. Freelance, I assume.
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

poleshift wrote:
I like Stuart's stuff and it's generally amusing. However, threatening violence against the programmers isn't on - whatever the faults of Driv3r. He's gone too far this time.


He says the people responsible for signing it off. Not the programmers of.. not the designers of...
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 12:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr Campbell does indeed say something interesting points; however the points he gives I would say are not exclusive to just the gaming industry I would say that the "corruption" is spread throughout the whole entertainment industry.

Newspapers such as The Sun, The Mirror, The Star and magazines such as Maxim are all guilty. How many times to you see on tv in film adverts "'The best comedy ever' The Sun" or "This Summers must watch film" the Star when they refer to tripe such as Analyse this or Van Helsing.
They give these reviews so that in turn the quotes get used so they get free publicity. Paul Ross, is the worst, the publicity seeking whore that he is.

The same in the music industry. Even the BBC is guilty; in order to secure that exclusive to Madonna's new single "a month before it comes out" I am sure they are told that it has to get put on thier A list and that it has to get pumped out every couple of hours before they even have the chance to determine whether it is a big steaming smelly pile of poo or not.
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