J Nash's Unimpressive Games Radar Adventure
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I, wily J Nash, register at the Games Radar forum, as "J Nash."

2008-05-10, 11.09pm
I post Drivergate Returns.

2008-05-10, 11.15pm
I receive an e-mail notification that someone's posted the first reply in my thread. Aces. I follow the link. The thread's been deleted. Oops. Evidently I've managed to erase it in my fumble-fingered idiocy. (It's impossible that the thread was deleted deliberately by a mod because this is only six minutes later and I've received no warning as stipulated by the official New Warn/Ban System thread at http://forum.gamesradar.com/viewtopic.php?t=107869.)

2008-05-10, 11.34pm
I repost the thread apologising for the original vanishing by mistake, having sensibly kept a copy.

2008-05-10, 11.39pm (approx)
The reposted thread is deleted and I'm banned (username, e-mail address and IP) from posting to or even reading the forum. Obviously this means I can neither question nor appeal the ban; there is simply no mechanism to contact anyone in or related to the forum except by the forum. (When you're banned, you're shown the message "You have been banned from this forum. Please contact the webmaster or board administrator for more information." No other information is supplied. All forum.gamesradar.com links are blocked.) I still haven't received any warnings and have no idea who's doing this or why.

2008-05-10, 11.39pm to 2008-05-11, 12.02am
I attempt to re-register (as "J Nash Returns") via handy proxy http://anonymouse.org and a new e-mail address in order to circumvent the IP ban and find out what the heck is going on. Before I can finish my polite post of reasonable questions, I'm insta-banned again. I look for contact information via the proxy. The nearest thing I can find is http://forum.gamesradar.com/faq.php, which doesn't contain any.

I attempt to re-register (as "Constable Dan," having realised someone's sitting there watching new registrations for anyone using "J Nash") but the name's taken. This later turns out to be me stabbing the Back button when I realise I've entered the wrong e-mail address, but the forum's already bookmarked the account. I am a clot.

I leaf through the forums via the proxy to see what's going on. Someone has posted "Why was the Driv3rgate thread removed?" (bless) and the deleting mod has replied. Hurrah! The mod's justification for their deletions and insta-bannings does not correspond to my understanding of events. Bah. (NB: times on the page are an hour behind because I saved it as a guest; the forum applies BST (British Summer Time) only if you're logged in.)

Someone else posts the comedy thread Gatordrive. Chort. Naturally, this is deleted. In response, the same reader posts "Why was the Gatordrive thread removed?" Ho. Naturally, this is deleted. (NB: times on both pages are an hour behind because I saved them as a guest.) (NB2: exciting lead to previously undisclosed archive in final post of second thread was in fact a reference to S Campbell's MHT set. Pesks.)

Interlude: 2008-05-11, 12.02am
An e-mail notification arrives that I have a PM (private message). No other information is given and obviously I can't read it because my accounts are banned and anything they contain or reference is lost forever. The mod responsible later says this was their PM, sent as soon as I posted the original Drivergate Returns topic and thus justifying repeated insta-banning because I ignored it. Alas for the tragically cruel coincidence that out of all the e-mails Future's sys sends me with impeccable promptness during this episode only this one was mysteriously delayed for roughly 47 minutes. End of interlude.

2008-05-11, 12.02am to 2008-05-11, 12.53am
By writing my post ahead of time and having several browser windows open at once I manage to re-register (as "Constable Dan's Hat"), validate the registration, log in, start a new topic and paste my reasonable questions into the submit box before anyone can insta-ban me. Hurrah! 2.

2008-05-11, 12.54am
I present my case. (NB: times on the page are an hour behind because I saved this as a guest.)

2008-05-11, 12.58am
An e-mail notification arrives that I have a PM. Constable Dan's Hat is still active and I can read it. Hurrah! 3. The PM is from the mod responsible for deleting and insta-banning me. They explain their actions. I thank them for their eventual message but consider the explanation unsatisfactory and reply accordingly, including some helpful suggestions for improving the forum. By the time I've read the PM, the Constable Dan's Hat thread has been deleted.

What will happen next?
According to the forum rules and confirmed by the overworked mod, deleted threads are in fact moved to a special mod-only area where mods dispassionately inspect them before delivering their rigorously objective final verdict. I keenly anticipate the result of this impartial process conducted chiefly by employees of Future Publishing, a company I have been told cannot be criticised on Future Publishing forums even when in fact you haven't done that.

Tune in preveniently!
J Nash

UPDATE 2008-06-29
No news yet. Perhaps I didn't argue the appeal I wasn't allowed to make strongly enough in the star chamber I'm not allowed to attend after being handed the official warning I didn't receive for the infraction of T&Cs I didn't commit.

Archive links

Drivergate Returns (Part I)
Official long-dead Games Radar thread: http://forum.gamesradar.com/viewtopic.php?t=118887
I post.
Drivergate Returns (Part II)
Official long-dead Games Radar thread: http://forum.gamesradar.com/viewtopic.php?t=118890
I try again.
Why was the Driv3rgate thread removed?
Official active but locked Games Radar thread: http://forum.gamesradar.com/viewtopic.php?t=118889
Someone queries. (NB: times on page are an hour behind because I saved it as a guest. The forum applies BST only if you're logged in.)
Why was I banned?
Official long-dead Games Radar thread: http://forum.gamesradar.com/viewtopic.php?t=118899
I quiz. (NB: times on page are an hour behind because I saved it as a guest.)
J Nash Suggests Some Things
Edited version of a PM reply.
I proffer.
Everything as an offline zip
See Driver 3 II: Electric Boogaloo.