NEEDFUL THINGS VIDEO REVIEW - date unknown
| You know what would be really
scary? A horror film where the devil came to town and did all kinds of scary devil stuff on
a bright sunny summer's day. It hardly seems credible these days that a director
could still go "Hey, I've had this great idea! Why not make everything in the
movie happen at night, and in the middle of a thunderstorm? That'd be terrifying!",
but no - but yes! - all the spooky bits of Needful Things go "aargh!" in deathly
darkness, with lightning flashing and Omen-style choral singing swelling in the
background. The film was almost halfway through before I'd finally definitely decided that
it wasn't a satire. Luckily I hadn't missed anything by then. Needful Things spends its first hour telling you the basic plot (already firmly spelled out on the back of the box) seven or eight times, managing to make it sound less plausible each time. In short, Old Nick comes to Nowheresville, America as an avuncular Mr Benn-type shopkeeper and turns the stupid and nasty townsfolk against each other with the kind of manipulative skills that would embarrass an eight-year-old. Luckily, the sheriff (a veteran cop from The Big City, obviously) saves the day just before the entire town goes up in flames (the second hour is just a string of unlikely double murders and an inexplicable riot) and everything's peachy again, except that - no! - Beelzebub escapes in a shock ending. Eek. It really is that lame, and although Max von Sydow as the Devil gets a couple of good lines - "You might say that I am, well, non-denominational", he replies to one of the town's two feuding priests when he enquires as to which faith von Sydow follows - even he's hamming it up like someone who really doesn't need the money. The makers of this utter drivel certainly don't need any of yours. RATING: E |
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