Tips

SCENE: The AP Office. Your choice of era. Enter new staff writer.*

NEW BUG: Hello, mighty beings.

MIGHTY BEINGS: Hello. Here is your desk.

(There is an enormous pile of maps and cheats upon it.)

NEW BUG: Oh dear. I thought we hated tips as, for example, ruining games you've just spend up to forty pounds on, so why not send us the forty pounds and we'll describe the end sequence to you down the phone?

MIGHTY BEINGS: Yes. Everyone hates tips, except the readers. And, of course, we are here only to serve. Though not in the restaurateurial sense. Now spend six hate-filled months writing the tips pages until someone else joins and you can make them do it instead.

NEW BUG: Faugh.

(Goes on to add scathing comments to adventure solutions, confident no one but the readers will see them.)

Each "How do I 'be' Goro?" or "Type BADCRUMBLE to get infinite lives" tore a tiny part from our souls like so many very small wolves.

But we endured it. For you. Our readers.