Flannel panel

It's always good to know who's responsible for something, which is where the flannel panel comes in. It is, of course, merely the list of credits at the beginning of a magazine, but, like all jargon, given a stupid elevating name so people who work in a particular industry can feel superior to people who don't. From its humble beginnings listing the folk responsible for AMIGA POWER (the staff, basically) the flannel panel swelled* to include people we'd never heard of and had no idea what they did. Admin Assistants, for example, or Group Production Controllers. Chief Executives. Circulation Directors. Who the - ? What the - ?

But we didn't begrudge them their credits. Undoubtedly they were vitally important to the behind-the-scenes running of AMIGA POWER (or if they weren't, were some kind of publishing company bigwig in an Executive Producer sort of way) and were polite to the elderly. We happily included their names, occasionally swapping them round or making them Consultancy Consultants, or leaving them out for a bit so we could put in a joke, secure in the knowledge that, as vitally important contributors to the behind-the-scenes running of AMIGA POWER they'd take everything in good spirits, or be too significant ever to read us.

Anyway, by about AP30 we'd discovered the purpose of the flannel panel. As Stuart says, up to that point it had been flapping around a bit and not quite part of AP, but then someone had the brilliant idea of adding brief personal messages from the team.

For instance - from AP31 -

STUART WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY: "I'm just looking for one divine hammer."

SAL WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY: "John Wayne must have had very strong arms."

CAM WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY: "I thought I had the key to her heart, but it was the key to her shed."

DAVE WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY: "Work? I've got less important things to do."

STEVE WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY: "There's nothing real about this virtuality."

Now, at last, in tandem with the Steve The Publisher "OVER 300 GAMES RATED IN EVERY ISSUE!" banner across the contents page (instantly seized by AP for a run of numeral-based jokes such as "OVER 4.6 PENCE PER PAGE," "OVER 91 YEARS OLD AND HE'S STILL ALIVE, DAMN HIM" and "OVER 40 MILLION DOLLARS AND IT'S STILL TERRIBLE") and the inconsistently-titled Moral Of The Story at the bottom ("THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: The media did it. Don't you get it? The media!", "IT TURNS OUT THAT: Pumpkin and Honey-Bunny don't leave empty-handed," etc etc) the flannel panel could take its place rightfully alongside the rest of AP's baffling self-indulgences.

You're fired! I mean - hello!