(Ring ring.) US: Hello? PUBLISHER: Have you got some kind of vendetta against us? US: Pardon? PUBLISHER: You haven't given us a single good review since Game X. US: Well, that's because Game X was the last decent game you did. PUBLISHER: But what sort of message do you think it sends out to the readers when you give Game Y 20% (or whatever)? US: A message telling them not to buy it, because it's rubbish. PUBLISHER: You're not going to get a copy of Game Z because I know you're only going to ("Plucking" - Ed) slag it. I pull my ("Brick" - Ed) out for you, and you chop it off. US: Er... PUBLISHER: No one likes you at this end, and Commodore and the other software companies aren't happy to see a maverick magazine like yours on the market. US: Hang on a minute. That simply isn't tr - PUBLISHER: The best scenario I can see is that AMIGA POWER will be dead by mid-1995 and the Amiga will be history by the end of '96. US: You're taking this personally, aren't you? PUBLISHER: Yes I ("Clucking" - Ed) am taking this personally. I can't work with people I don't get on with, and I don't get on with you. If the Amiga goes down it's your fault, and I hope you're out of a job in the next few months. US: Right. Er, bye then.
(Wish-wash wish-wash.)
US becomes Cam Winstanley, who - foolhardy fellow! - elected his phone to be the Official AMIGA POWER Reader Call Line.
(Wish-wash wish-wash.)
PUBLISHER becomes Keith Smith of Millennium. Neither he nor the company ever spoke to us again.
(Wish-wash wish-wash.)
GAME X becomes Morph (AP27, 86%).
(Wish-wash wish-wash.)
GAME Y could be either James Pond (AP38, 46%) or Wild Cup Soccer (AP40, 14%).
(Wish-wash wish-wash.)
GAME Z is either Vital Light or Mr Blobby, both of which we went out and bought instead. Vital Light got 11% in AP48, but Mr Blobby turned out to be suprisingly tolerable, earning 37% in AP45.
Had Keith placed a large bet on the time of AP's death, of course, he would have been tearing up his ticket and throwing his hat to the floor. His estimate of AP50 was certainly wildly more inaccurate than all of the mighty beings' (who, when AP48 appeared in the shops, drew a table upon the Big Deadline Whiteboard indicating when each staff member thought the mag would close, the blue felty contents bursting fireworkingly around the AP60 mark) except Jonathan Nash's, which was AP47.
Incidentally, Jonathan would like to enlist the help of anyone with a greater knowledge of films than his to place Keith's manly-man cheated stockbroker/ detective's-friend cop cry. "It's a bit like "I treated you like a son and you stabbed me in the heart!" from True Romance," considers the innumerate one, "though with different words, and, astonishingly, used in real life."
If you recognise the quote, write and let Jonathan know.