*Mills' feature was originally written for Comedy Review. The magazine closed that afternoon.

"You'll have difficulty shoehorning it into AP2," countered the vacuuming one when we pursued him to print it instead. Pish, tush and twaddle.

"It's irrelevant," he persisted. "There's no conceivable connection with any other of the over twenty pages. It is unappendable and you are silly."

Damn! We must look such fools.