Rich Pelley

Gravity Power tips intro, AP52

(Rich is speculating on running into AP staff after the mag's inevitable closure.)

In Pizza Hut, perhaps. "So then. That's one deep-pan with tuna, olives, pepperoni, bacon, extra cheese, chicken and mushrooms. Congratulations. You have chosen wisely. For you have chosen The Pizza Of Champions."

As a milkman. "If you could just make the cheque out to: Unigate - The Sinister Organisation Behind Door-to-Door Milk Delivery Services."

As a traffic warden. "You have illegally parked your vehicle in spite of the fact that the road is clearly marked with a double yellow line. MAY YOUR SOUL BE BANISHED TO ROT FOR EVER MORE IN THE NETHERWORLD."