AP2's Exciting Home Version

"F-Max, Inspector?"<p>"Thank you."<p>Inspector Geezer swirled the rich, pungent, pale orange liquid gently around the glass. Slowly he raised his gaze to fix the occupants of the library.<p>"The error was the final piece of the jigsaw," he began, pointing coincidentally to a jigsaw. "A warning of obsolescence so graphically ignored? It struck me as odd at the time, but the answer was childishly simple." He gestured, coincidentally to something childishly simple. "You see, it told me all I needed to know. It was the killer's fatal mistake." Picking the dramatic moment, he drained the glass in a gulp and slammed it bark-sharp on the table, coincidentally covering a photograph of a killer's fatal mistake.<p>"What we are dealing with, ladies and gentlemen, is not a fool. It is the opposite of a fool. An anti-fool.<p>"Under the guise of pressing on with reading the page despite clearly being unequipped technologically, the killer was playing a clever gamble. Who would suspect, after all, someone incapable of understanding plain English?"<p>Holding the moment, he reached for a decanter. His voice rose, but only in volume, without squeaking or becoming tremulous. The Inspector was too wily a policeman for that.<p>"Eh, Colonel?"<p>"You damned, interfering jackanapes!" spat the Colonel, throwing aside his newspaper to reveal a pistol levelled at the Inspector's heart. Two shots rang out in the oak-panelled room.<p>"Aaarghh!"<p>The trusty constable, already in position, beat the Colonel savagely with a truncheon. The gun dropped harmlessly to the floor.<p>The bishop's face was a mask of confusion. "But how - ?"<p>"It's quite straightforward, sir," explained Constable Aaarghh. "You see, I believe a newspaper is usually easier to read when held the correct way up."<p>"And I believe that crime should not go unpunished," added Inspector Geezer grimly.<p>"But the shots, Inspector - " began the heiress.<p>"The Colonel's accuracy was commendable, miss." He permitted a smile to flick across his lips. "But he reckoned without my F-Max." Holding up the glass, the Inspector showed the two bullets lodged harmlessly in the lightly sparkling fish drink.<p>"Ha ha!"<p>"Ha ha!"<p>"Ha ha! May I replenish your glass, Inspector?"<p>"No thank you, Minister. Constable Aaarghh and I are driving - driving this miscreant to gaol, in our car."<p>"Ha ha!"<p>"Ha ha!"<p>And they all laughed until the reader bothered to use a frames-compatible browser.