I LIKE SHORT SONGS
Tracklisting in full

01. SERPENTINE PAD - PAVEMENT
Kicking off with one of the longest tracks on the album, a tremendous piece of shouty melodic indie pop.

02. THIS IS STUPID - BLOODHOUND GANG
A good question, well put.

03. UNCLE FUCKA - TERRANCE AND PHILLIP
South Park's greatest moment.

04. A SEA WITH 3 STARS - THE NECTARINE NO.9
Altogether more subtle swearing larks from obscure but brilliant angular Scottish popsters.

05. ROSES - MAGNETIC FIELDS
From the "69 Love Songs" album. 69? Amateurs.

06. TEENAGE FANCLUB - TENNIS
A song about Teenage Fanclub, not by them.

07. CRAZY DAY SUNSHINE GIRL - THE GROOVE FARM
Vintage C86-era pop, and possibly my favourite really short song.

08. A BRIEF TREATISE ON THE DISCOVERY OF ANTIMATTER - DIRTBOMBS
And it really is brief.

09. MURDER THE GOVERNMENT - NOFX
Lots of thrash-punk bands were auditioned and discarded for this compilation, but this is a pure gem.

10. PUDDLEMONKEY - LOOPER
The sound of someone putting up shelves, heard from two rooms away and played at 10x normal speed.

11. BENNY'S GAY BAR - BARRY BEATMASTER
The most inspired of the many bootlegs to borrow Benny's immortal theme tune.

12. ELISABETH MY DEAR - THE STONE ROSES
Haunting anti-monarchy anthem from the baggy icons.

13. LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN - FRANK SIDEBOTTOM
A pastiche that's actually a better song than the original.

14. LOVERS TOWN REVISITED - BILLY BRAGG
A classic from the Bard of Barking.

15. MAYO STING - CHRIS MORRIS
From the "Blue Jam" radio series.

16. ALLISON - PIXIES
From before they were all the size of planets.

17. DENY EVERYTHING - CIRCLE JERKS
Excellent legal advice you can pogo to.

18. E102-2 - BMX BANDITS
Jaunty instrumental reworking of their seminal debut single.

19. THE PHANTOM - CAT POWER
You never hear about the Hooded Claw any more.

20. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR BURNS - THE RAMONES
"Have the Rolling Stones killed."

21. I'M GLAD I NEVER - JESUS AND MARY CHAIN
The very men for the job.

22. SIT ON MY FACE - MONTY PYTHON
Subversive militant-feminist political comment.

23. RAH! RAH! REPLICA - BIKINI KILL
Gratuitous comedy smut.

24. 5-PIECE CHICKEN DINNER - BEASTIE BOYS
Wait, I think I've got those the wrong way round. OR HAVE I?

25. CHEESE - THE MOLDY PEACHES
Clever wording, chee(r)s(e).

26. YOU'RE NOT AN AIRPLANE - GUIDED BY VOICES
Lo-fi lords of the short song.

27. THE PLANETS - ANIMANIACS
It would have been too easy to stuff this CD with little clips from cartoons, but the few included were, like this one, just too good to leave out.

28. SHORT SONGS - DEAD KENNEDYS
Our manifesto.

29. C.O.R. - MY VITRIOL
Blimey. Steady on, fey middle-class indie kids.

30. GRATUITOUS SAX - SPARKS
The first of a matching pair.

31. SENSELESS VIOLINS - SPARKS
The other one. Of it.

32. DIM THE LIGHTS, CHILL THE HAM
 - SHADOWY MEN ON A SHADOWY PLANET
Knives and forks? What lady could resist?

33. NOGGED OUT WITH SHARON DAVIES - CASSETTE BOY
Puerile, but funny.

34. HATE ME - THE DISTILLERS
Another top toe-tapper from flavour-of-the-month Hole-alikes

35. I CAN'T BELIEVE - BIG BLACK
Shorter than "L Dopa".

36. MEANT FOR YOU - BEACH BOYS
Possibly surf came up just as they got started.

37. COUNTRY MIKE'S THEME - BEASTIE BOYS
"No, I'm Country Mike!"

38. HOT LIPS, WET PANTS - LOLITA STORM
It's all any of us really wants, isn't it?

39. THE HEALTH AND HAPPINESS SHOW - CHUMBAWAMBA
Here's to you, viewers.

40. LURCH - KRISTIN HERSH
Some great guitar-string-squeaking noises.

41. THE FRIGHTENED SINGERS  - ELF POWER
Why aren't Elf Power huge yet? It defies all known Science.

42. FIELD DAY FOR THE SUNDAYS - WIRE
Sometimes, it's nice to listen to long-established, critically-acclaimed artistes and imagine they were auditioning for Pop Idol.

43. STREETLIGHT - LOW
A band's entire oeuvre distilled down to 38 seconds.

44. INTERGALACTIC ACE OF SPADES - NICK FOSTER
Can you guess which two songs feature in this bootleg soundclash?

45. JOHN CITIZEN - SONGS FOR SWINGING VOTERS
From a toe-curling four-track flexidisc released in support of the Conservative Party in the early 1970s. (American readers - like the Republicans, without the caring, tolerant side.) Probably kept the party out of power for a decade.

46. I'M SNIFFIN WITH YOU HOO - POP WILL EAT ITSELF
The Poppies' first two singles, featuring ten tracks, came in at a combined total length of around eleven minutes. After that they lost focus a bit.

47. MALFUNCTION - SHADOWY MEN ON A SHADOWY PLANET
With vocals by a car.

48. FAREWELL TO JOHN DENVER - MONTY PYTHON
Following complaints from the humourless four-eyed C&W sap, Python were forced to remove this song from the album it was on. This is its first public appearance since then.

49. RAMA LAMA LAMA - KENICKIE
Kenickie!

50. NARCISSUS - BONZO DOG BAND
What do you think of the show so far?

51. CHICKEN BOO THEME - ANIMANIACS
Philosophy for outsiders.

52. WEIRD WAR - WEIRD WAR
From the album "Weird War".

53. RAZOR BLADE - SONIC YOUTH
The sound of being seduced by a boggle-eyed serial killer.

54. CASBAH ROCK - THE UNDERTONES
It's hard to imagine, but that voice on "Teenage Kicks" is the polished version.

55. WE'VE GOT A FILE ON YOU - BLUR
And soon they will have. Or at least, "They" will have. Not Blur. Obviously.

56. KAMA SUTRA - BONZO DOG BAND
Yeah. Think about it.

57. FAT HOOKERS - NOBODYS
(sic)

58. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, YOU BASTARD - BLINK 182
A short Blink 182 track full of gratuitous swearing? Only one?

59. DILWORTH'S THEME - ST. ETIENNE
And relax.

60. LITTLE ROOM - WHITE STRIPES
"Fell In Love With A Girl"? Overblown prog-rock nonsense.

61. BRAZIL - WIRE
Is it about the football team? The movie? The nut? Who can say?

62. I LOVE HORSES - DEAGOSTINI
The short-lived internet cult. (Aren't they all?)

63. HER MAJESTY - THE BEATLES
The Queen was quite foxy once.

64. GAME OF PRICKS - GUIDED BY VOICES
A whopping 1m 33s, but worth every second.

65. MIRACLE CURE - THE WHO
Cure? For deaf, dumb and blindness? Wow.

66. SHE - WE'VE GOT A FUZZBOX
And We're Gonna Use It.

67. MOSES WITH A GUN - CHUMBAWAMBA
Turned out nice again.

68. RINGO, I LOVE YOU - STEREO TOTAL
The most touching love song ever recorded.

69. ALL MY LOVING (ORGAN VERSION) - THE EXOTIC BEATLES
From a superb tribute album.

70. CRUISIN' IN THE ATL - OUTKAST
Break!

71. HER AGAINST ME - AFGHAN WHIGS
My money's on her.

72. DARK - LOW
More words of Mormon wisdom from the Monsters Of Quiet.

73. MY GIRLFRIEND'S SHOWER SUCKS - GOLDFINGER
Hard water, hard heart.

74. WHAT IF THE GUY FROM SMASHING PUMPKINS LOST HIS CAR KEYS?
 - STEPHEN LYNCH
Yeah. What if?

75. FRIEND FOR LIFE - TODAY IS THE DAY
Where's Holly Vallance when you need her, eh? (No, seriously. Where?)

76. THEY USED TO CALL IT DOPE - PUBLIC ENEMY
On cold mornings, it can be hard to get the bongos and brass section started.

77. NAZI PUNKS FUCK OFF - DEAD KENNEDYS
Sadly, they haven't yet.

78. CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA - BEN FOLDS FIVE
Oasis overblowathon made the length it should have been in the first place.

79. BARE FACED CHEEK - TOY DOLLS
"Ashes to ashes, funk to funky, Major Tom's a cheeky monkey".

80. SHOCKER IN GLOOMTOWN - THE BREEDERS
A Guided By Voices cover, but rendered in high(er) fidelity.

81. ST100/6 - BIG STAR
I have no idea what this means.

82. WOMEN TIED UP IN KNOTS - BONGWATER
From the immensely fantastic album "The Power Of Pussy", which you should go and buy immediately. Especially "Obscene And Pornographic Art".

83. TAMPAX ADVERT - DENIM
Not actually a Tampax advert, but should be.

84. FANTASMA - CORNELIUS
The soul of the Beach Boys captured electronically, presumably by some sort of Ghostbusters-style beam device.

85. VASELINE (DEMO) - ELASTICA
As is often the case, an Elastica track where the demo's better than the "real" one.

86. NO SLEEP - HUGGY BEAR
Popular tribute band The British Bikini Kill, who were sadly unable to afford instruments.

87. SHE CAN ONLY SAY NO - THE UNDERTONES
"Feargal, until you've finished those singing lessons we're doing the vocals."

88. MY NIGHTS OUT - KENICKIE
Kenickie!

89. CANDYDIOSIS - POP WILL EAT ITSELF
You'd have to have been around in 1986 to get this.

90. SHE SAYS - ANORAK GIRL
Seemingly the result of a drunken boast that it was possible to be twee-er and more lo-fi than Helen Love. (Drunk on two bottles of Sunny D, that is.)

91. WENDYHOUSE - MIDGET
Too busy being on top of the world for a third verse.

92. COVER VERSIONS - TERRY EDWARDS AND THE SCAPEGOATS
An original song, about cover versions, from a band most famous for cover versions. Zounds, the post-modernity!

93. MEET THE G THAT KILLED ME - PUBLIC ENEMY
Anti-AIDS anthem cunningly concealed in that there "gangsta" lingo.

94. VELOCITY GIRL - PRIMAL SCREAM
"Velocity Girl" has long been the poster-child of the ultra-short song, a single which clocked in barely over the one-minute mark. So I thought it'd be pretty funny to make the version included on this compilation the rarely-heard Peel session version from 1986, which has an extra verse and is, at 1m 59s, the longest track on this album by a full 26 seconds.

95. WANNABE - SNUFF
Now let's see you tackle "2 Become 1", chaps.

96. A LITTLE BIT OF SOAP - DE LA SOUL
If you take all the advice on this CD, you'll be a much better person.

97. THE PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY OF DEATH IN THE MIND OF JERRY SPRINGER - CHUMBAWAMBA
Takes longer to type than it does to listen to.

98. VATICAN BROADSIDE - HALF MAN HALF BISCUIT
Did you think we'd forget them?

99. THE GOODBYE SONG - ANIMANIACS
Goodnight everybody!

100. YOU SUFFER - NAPALM DEATH
The Guinness Book Of Records' official entry for the world's shortest song, it'd just be churlishly wrong not to include the grunting Brummies' finest moment on this CD.