BADDIE GUIDE

Grunts (The manual identifies them as Hulk Clubbers, but all us Robotron fans know they're really Grunts)

First appearance: ARENA 1

Behaviour: Grunts come in two varieties, green and purple. The green ones home in slowly on the player, and when they get near enough to him they stop and take a swipe with their big clubs. The purple ones do exactly the same, only a lot faster.

Hit points: 1

Best defence: Since Grunts come in big, dense, slow-moving packs, the best thing for cutting a swathe through them is the Three-Way.

Mr Shrapnel

First appearance: COLLECT POWER-UPS

Behaviour: Mr Shrapnel strolls slowly around the edges of the arena (except when he starts somewhere in the middle, whereupon he walks in a straight line until he hits a wall, then turns and walks along the edges as normal), not being particularly dangerous until he's been onscreen for a random amount of time anywhere between 10 and 30 seconds without being killed, at which point he stops, shudders violently for a few moments, then explodes violently, sending out eight chunks of deadly shrapnel in the directions of the compass. He's also steel-plated, so if you try to use the spinning shuriken on him, they'll get blunted and fly off instantly.

Hit points: 8

Best defence: Mr Shrapnel can absorb several hits before dying, so the top tool of his destruction is the Rocket Launcher. Since he doesn't home in, though, it's also pretty safe and effective to take him out with Grenades.

Orbs

First appearance: ORBS!

Behaviour: Orbs spin and bounce around the arena in no particularly definable pattern. Occasionally they stop and fire off a laser beam parallel to one of the arena walls, which lingers onscreen for several seconds. When the Orbs are shot they spin off crazily, but they regain control again quickly and behave as normal until they're shot again, at which point they crash to the ground in flames.

Hit points: 2

Best defence: Orbs are fast-moving and usually pretty thinly-spread, so use the Three-Way to give yourself as much room as possible.

Chunks

First appearance: EAT MY SHRAPNEL

Behaviour: A large pack of tiny little balls which zoom around, oscillating wildly but always staying more or less as a single unit. When about 60% of the component balls are shot, the whole pack self-destructs.

Best defence: One Rocket blasted through the middle of the pack will usually take care of the whole lot, but the Three-Way is a safer bet.

Snake Trains

First appearance: ROWDY DROIDS

Behaviour: These long strings of circular segments emerge from a door then proceed to slide around the arena, bouncing off walls and not homing in on the player. When shot anywhere but at the ends, they break up into two or more sections, which each behave in the same way as the original creature.

Hit points: Er, loads

Best defence: The only safe way to take out a Snake Train is to hit it with a Rocket which, if correctly aimed, will travel down the whole train and totally destroy it with a single shot.

Tanks

First appearance: CROWD CONTROL

Behaviour: Tanks travel randomly at 90 degree angles, stopping occasionally to fire a volley of bullets in the general direction of the player.

Hit points: 4

Best defence: Like Mr Shrapnel, Tanks are resistant to several ordinary shots, so the best way to get rid of them without getting close enough to be in danger is to use the Rocket Launcher.

Buffalo

First appearance: VACUUM CLEAN

Behaviour: Basically a bigger and meaner version of the Grunts, Buffalo home in on the player extremely efficiently and in very large numbers.

Hit points: 1

Best defence: As with the Grunts, Three-Way clears a space, but Buffalo herd together so closely that Grenades or the Rocket Launcher are also very effective.

Swarmers

First appearance: FILM AT 11

Behaviour: These act in exactly the same way as the Buffalo, except they're much smaller and a lot faster.

Hit points: 1

Best defence: Speed and weight of numbers means that the Three-Way is needed to keep the Swarmers at arm's length.

Little Snakes

First appearance: TEMPLE ALERT

Behaviour: These nasty little enemies behave in a very similar manner to the Snake Trains, except they're smaller, harder to see, better at homing-in, and they recoil and run away when you hit them, making them hard to kill if you haven't got the time and space to chase after them.

Hit points: Tons

Best defence: Like the Snake Trains, a Rocket right down the throat is the only way to deal with these twisted creeps.

Snake Segments

First appearance: FIRE POWER IS NEEDED

Behaviour: These look like single segments of the Snake Train, but they behave more like Orbs, except without the laser-firing ability.

Hit points: 2

Best defence: The unpredictable movement patterns make Grenades the best bet to clean up Snake Segments.

Baby Orbs

First appearance: FILM AT 11

Behaviour: Exactly the same as Snake Segments, except they look more like flying saucers.

Hit points: 2

Best defence: Again, use Grenades for best results.

Spearmen

First appearance: NO DICE

Behaviour: Almost exactly the same as Grunts. Spearmen also come in two flavours, the ordinary purple ones and the souped-up grey model.

Hit points: 1

Best defence: As with Grunts, use Three-Way for maximum freshness.

Gunners

First appearance: COLLECT 10 KEYS

Behaviour: These wall-mounted guns fire multiple shots at regular intervals, either straight down the screen or at 45-degree angles, and always aim in the general direction of the player.

Hit points: 16

Best defence: Gunners can absorb more shots than any other enemy except bosses, so use the Rocket Launcher.

Snake Temples

First appearance: NO DICE

Behaviour: Wall-mounted like Gunners (or concealed behind the top-centre door), Snake Temples are indestructable and spew out dozens and dozens of little ground-crawling snakes (not to be confused with Snake Trains or Snake Segments) in an arc extending 45 degrees in both directions. The snakes wriggle speedily down the screen and disappear at the bottom.

Hit points: N/A

Best defence: Either blast a path through the snakes with Three-Way, or simply stand to one side and avoid them until they disappear, since they don't chase you.

Spiky Spinners

First appearance: MEET SCARFACE

Behaviour: These appear if you linger too long on any screen after finishing it (ie you don't go through an exit) and home in, but normally they rattle around at 45 degree angles bouncing off the walls and being completely indestructable.

Hit points: N/A

Best defence: Run away.

Mines

First appearance: COLLECT POWER-UPS

Behaviour: Sit on the ground (always in the same places on every screen) and blow you up if you step on them.

Best defence: Don't step on them.

WEAPONS AND POWER-UPS

Three-Way

Fires three bullets at once in an arc covering about 30 degrees to either side. Unlimited range and very wide coverage. 42 shots (of three bullets each).

Rocket Launcher

Provides 42 rockets which fly out in a straight line, destroying almost everything they meet with a single hit and not stopping until they hit a wall or a very hard baddie. Ideal for taking out medium-tough enemies like Gunners and Mr Shrapnel, or cutting a path through large packs.

Grenades

Grenades fly out in a random spread covering an arc of about 30 degrees either side of the player. They have twice the destructive power of ordinary shots, but a very limited range, and are best used against large packs of slow-moving enemies. 42 shots.

High-Power Grenades

Only found on boss screens, these fly through the air in a high arc, doing no damage until they land, whereupon they're extremely dangerous. Can be bounced off walls. 42 shots

Smart Bomb

Kills absolutely everything on screen except you. Not found on boss screens... 1 shot.

Force Field

Makes you completely invincible against anything, including mines and bosses. Starts off green, then after five seconds goes red and flashes, running out four seconds later.

Spinning Shurikens

Five deadly razor-sharp discs spin around the player, slaughtering anything which comes too close until they get worn out (one by one) by numerous contacts. The drawbacks are that they don't stop bullets or shrapnel, they're useless against harder enemies like Mr Shrapnel, (although one will take out a tank before being destroyed) and they also prevent you from getting close to walls or into corners for other power-ups. If you complete an arena with Spinning Shurikens still intact, they fly off before you go through the passageway to the next one.

Fast Boots

Make you go faster for about 40 seconds. Almost indispensable against Swarmers.

Drone

Spins around the player, firing whatever weapon he's currently using as it does so (and using up the weapon's ammo). Excellent for creating a wide spread of fire, but like the Spinning Shurikens, contact with numerous or especially hard enemies will cause it to become damaged and fly away. Can be carried from one arena to another.

LEVEL GUIDE

LEVEL 1

ARENA 1

Grunts

COLLECT POWER-UPS

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Mines

COLLECT 10 KEYS

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Gunner (left), Mines

MEET MR SHRAPNEL

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Gunners (2), Mines

CROWD CONTROL

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Gunners, Mines, Tanks, Chunks

TANK TROUBLE

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Gunners, Mines, Tanks

EAT MY SHRAPNEL

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Mines, Chunks

BONUS PRIZES

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Mines, Prizes

TOTAL CARNAGE

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Mines, Chunks

MUTOID MAN

Mr Shrapnel, Chunks, Mutoid Man

LEVEL 2

ORBS

Orbs, Gantry (right)

FILM AT 11

Swarmers, Baby Orbs, Mines

ROWDY DROIDS

Swarmers, Snake Trains, Mines

DEFEND ME

Mr Shrapnel, Swarmers, Snake Trains, Tanks, Mines, Prizes

VACUUM CLEAN

Buffalo, Chunks, Mines

FIRE POWER IS NEEDED

Buffalo, Chunks, Snake Segments, Mines

METAL DEATH

Swarmers, Snake Trains, Gantry

WATCH YOUR STEP

Swarmers, Mr Shrapnel, Mines, Prizes

SLAUGHTER 'EM

Swarmers, Snake Segments, Tanks, Mr Shrapnel, Chunks, Mines

LAZER DEATH ZONE

Orbs, Baby Orbs, Tanks, Mines

TURTLES NEARBY

Orbs, Tanks, Mines

THESE ARE FAST

Swarmers, Gantry

BUFFALO HERD NEARBY

Buffalo, Snake Trains, Baby Orbs, Chunks, Mines

CHUNKS GALORE

Buffalo, Snake Segments, Tanks, Chunks, Mr Shrapnel, Mines

MEET MY TWIN

Swarmers, Mr Shrapnel, Gantries

SMASH 'EM

Swarmers, Chunks, Snake Trains, Mines

MEET SCARFACE

Spiky Spinners, Mines

LEVEL 3

NO DICE

Spearmen, Tanks, Snake Temples (1, 2), Mines

TURTLES BEWARE

Grunts, Snake Temples (3), Mines

EXTRA SAUCE

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Snake Temples (1, 2, 3), Mines

COBRA JUST AHEAD

Spearmen, Mr Shrapnel, Mines

SECRET ROOMS NEARBY (top)

Grunts, Tanks, Mines

ENJOY MY WEALTH

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Chunks, Snake Trains, Mines, Prizes

WALLS OF PAIN

Swarmers, Mines

LAST ARENA?

Grunts, Chunks, Little Trains, Mines

SCORPION FEVER

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Tanks, Snake Temples (1, 2), Mines

TEMPLE ALERT

Spearmen, Little Trains, Tanks, Snake Temples (2, 3), Mines

NO TURTLES ALLOWED

Spearmen, Mr Shrapnel, Chunks, Little Trains, Snake Temples (3), Mines

TURTLE CHUNKS NEEDED

Spearmen, Mr Shrapnel, Tanks, Mines, Prizes

DYNAMITE COBRA BOSS

Buffalo, Little Trains, Snake Temples (1, 2, 3), Mines

WITNESS TOTAL CARNAGE

Grunts, Little Trains, Snake Temples (1, 2, 3), Mines

SECRET ROOMS NEARBY (bottom)

Grunts, Mr Shrapnel, Chunks, Little Trains, Mines

USE BUFFALO GUN

Buffalo, Chunks, Mines

COBRA DEATH

Spiky Spinners, Cobra Twins

As well as knowing what's coming and how best to deal with it, there are a few simple in-game tactics that you can use to maximise your potential and minimise the amount of danger you have to face. Here are a few of them:

THE BERLIN WALL

This is an excellent way of coping with screens which contain lots of large packs of opponents, like Swarmers, Grunts and Buffalo. What you essentially do is hide in a corner (choose the handiest one or the one with least mines nearby). From the corner move steadily towards one of the two arena doors nearest to you, firing all the time in a straight line at right angles to the wall you're moving along. When you get about two-thirds of the way to the door, stop and move back to the corner, still firing in the same direction. From there, repeat the procedure but move towards the other arena door (ie at right angles to the way you were moving previously). This gives you an L-shaped pattern of movement which is extremely efficient at stopping you from being over-run by the sheer weight of numbers of the enemies and making space to manouevre in if you want to make a quick dive out for some power-ups. (It also ensures that you're being attacked from the smallest possible number of directions at any one given time.) Obviously you'll have to vary it from time to time to pick off specific enemies and so on, but in baddie-heavy screens it could save your life.

THE BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID

The Butch And Sundance is a seemingly suicidal move which actually works surprisingly well in several situations, especially if you're faced with a massive pack of blood-crazed Grunts backing you up against a wall. What you do is, er, run straight at them. The Grunts are pretty slow to react, y'see, and the way that the collision detection works (it's actually centred on your feet and not your body) means that if you charge straight through the middle of them with guns blazing in all directions, half the time they won't realise what's going on until it's too late and you'll break straight on through to the other side. Don't forget to say 'bye bye' with a good blast of fire...

THE SAVE A PRAYER

This is a similar tactic which also looks like the result of a death wish, but it's superbly satisfying and a good last resort. Use it in a really busy screen (like, aren't they all?), when it looks as if you've got no chance of survival at all but a really good power-up (a smart bomb or force field) has just materialised on completely the other side of the arena. What you do is, again, charge straight into the middle of the baddies, but this time concentrate all your fire in one direction - straight ahead of you. Move fast, cross your fingers and you've got a pretty good chance - if you make it to the power-up you'll be horrendously surrounded by about a million enemies all one pixel away from murdering you horribly, but it won't matter because the second you hit it they'll all be dogfood.

THE YOU CAN'T BEAT A BIT OF BULLY

This tactic works really well on Swarmer-heavy screens, although it's not so good for the ones where your movement's restricted by the gantries. What you do, simply enough, is run around the very edges of the arena and fire constantly at the centre (ie as if you were aiming at a bullseye). This minimises the Swarmers' chances of making ground on you, as they constantly have to track in different directions, and the constant fire will wear them down gradually and stop any individual ones from getting too close. Obviously you have to be extra careful when new packs are coming through the arena doors, but alternate the Bit Of Bully with the Berlin Wall tactic until the doors close again and you should survive quite comfortably. It's best, but not absolutely essential, if you can keep your speed topped up with the aid of the fast-boots power-up, too.

YOUR CHEATING HEART

If all this isn't enough for you, or if you're just a pathetic lily-livered wimp in the first place, you can always take all the fun, challenge and point out of the game by cheating. If you're only a little bit of a wimp, the game has a built-in cheat mode which isn't really a cheat, more of an evening of the odds. You access it by going to the Options screen, pressing Down on the joypad, then holding down the 'L' and 'R' buttons and pressing Up on the joypad. You should now hear the word 'Bingo!' and a screen will appear allowing you to increase (or decrease, if you're really hard) your number of lives and credits up to a maximum of seven each.

WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT?

In Smash TV, you can't have more than nine lives. If you've got nine and you collect another one, it's neither displayed nor credited, so don't go getting yourself in trouble trying to pick up a bonus one when it won't do you any good. There's nothing more annoying than dying in an attempt to get something that turns out to have been completely worthless anyway.

BOSS GUIDE

MUTOID MAN

He's pretty scary at first, but with a bit of practice Mutoid Man shouldn't give you very much trouble. He's preceded by a couple of waves of Chunks just to throw you off the scent, then he bursts onto the screen with all guns blazing. The first thing you want to do is knock out the two gunners mounted on the front of his tracks, but after you've done that it's pretty much just a case of getting behind him, grabbing whatever power-ups appear (High-Power Grenades are the best - don't collect anything else if you've still got any of those loaded up), and avoiding the Mr Shrapnels which start appearing after a little while. Most of the time it's safe to hide in either of the top corners, but if Mutoid Man gets too near the top of the screen, move away or you'll be in danger from his laser eyes. (These fire directly at where you are, though, so if you keep moving all the time you should be able to avoid them easily enough). Lose more than a couple of lives (max) on this screen and you need to practice more.

 SCARFACE

Yikes! The nastiest single enemy in the whole of Super Smash TV is undoubtedly Scarface (especially in Turbo Mode, but more on that later). He's huge, he's heavily armed, he's fast, he's smart, and he can take so much punishment it'll bring tears to your eyes just thinking about it. Still, he can be killed, so here's how to go about it.

Something happens on Scarface's screen that doesn't happen anywhere else in the game - when you collect either of the two grenade weapons, you also get a free personal force field. The effects of this are obvious, but it only makes things possible, not easy. In order to kill Scarface, you'll first have to blow away every segment of the steel shield which surrounds him. No matter how much firepower you pile into him, if one bit of the shield remains intact you'll make no further progress. So grab some grenades, get close in, pummel from every angle you can manage before your shield runs out, then retreat quickly and stay out of trouble (ie as far away from Scarface as you can get) until you can do it again. When you've finally got all of the shield destroyed and blasted away at Scarface's face until every bit of it is oozing blood (you don't have to do it in that order, you can hit him in the face first - the High-Power Grenades are ideal for this, especially with their bouncing-off-walls capability - then blow away a bit of shield, then hit his face some more and so on. And if you don't like the sight of blood, you're playing the wrong game), there'll be a shattering explosion which you'd be forgiven for thinking marked old grouchy's demise, but in fact you've only made him angry. His face is now replaced by an evil-looking skull, faster than before, which shoots twin fireballs from its eyes directly at you every few seconds. The fireballs bounce off the walls and move far too quickly for you to run away from, so keep moving so he can't draw a bead on you. The best tactic now is to get High-Power Grenades (or ordinary Grenades at a pinch), and pin Scarface against the wall in a corner using your force-field for safety. If you do it right, the High-Power Grenades will bounce off the far wall and come back to hit him, polishing him off in pretty quick time (see the diagram for a better illustration of how this works), but don't forget to run away just before your force-field runs out.

COBRA TWINS

You're going to lose lives here, so get used to the idea. The most important thing to know about the Cobra Twins is that the game treats them as one boss, so you don't have to hit them both in order to kill them both. Simply pour all your firepower into whichever one you happen to be standing the closest to. The best weapon for killing the Twins quickly is the grenade, but take everything you can get your hands on. You'll have to keep on the move, and the best approach is to stay behind the Twins' heads at the top of the screen, as this lets you avoid the deadly laser fire from their mouths. Don't get too close, though, as their bodies will obscure the indestructable spiky spinners which appear from the snakes' bases and you'll get killed without even seeing what did it. Basically, never stop firing, never stop moving, aim for the heads when you get a chance, watch your man instead of the Cobras, and pray...

AFTER THE COBRA TWINS

What happens after you kill the Cobra Boss depends on what you've done before. The next screen you'll encounter will be 'Almost Enough Keys!' (even if you do, in fact, have enough keys), which is a terrifyingly busy and amazingly long round in which you'll have to fight off literally thousands of baddies (mostly Orbs and Baby Orbs) while trying to pick up the keys which appear occasionally. If you get enough (and you'll need to have collected at least 10 in total if you're going to manage that), then your next arena will be 'You Have Enough Keys!', which is just as nasty and even longer (over eight minutes long, in fact, and mostly populated by huge Grunt waves), but has two exits, one of which leads to 'Eat My Eyeballs!' and one of which leads to the fabled Pleasure Dome. If you don't get enough keys, the next arena is 'Not Enough Keys!' (spot the logic?), which is the same as 'You Have Enough Keys!' in every respect, except that on clearing it you only get the option to go to 'Eat My Eyeballs!' If you reach and clear 'Eat My Eyeballs!' by this route, the game ends with a declaration that you're good, but not good enough to be a Grand Champion, and you don't even get to enter your name on the high-score table (swizz!). But if you DO get those keys...

 THE PLEASURE DOME

The Pleasure Dome itself is actually something of an anti-climax. Accessed by taking the down exit from 'You Have Enough Keys!' (see AFTER THE COBRA TWINS), it's basically a giant bonus prize room, except that instead of little be-ribboned boxes, the prizes you collect are miniature versions of the game's lovely hostesses. You get absolutely tons of them (and a little token resistance in the form of a couple of very short waves of grunts), but the most important thing is that at the end of the round, you get another little '?' icon. Assuming you've visited all the secret rooms (see SECRET ROOMS) , this should bring your total up to four, which means you're only one short. After a congratulatory message (a breathless 'MUTOID MAN - TOTALLY DEAD! SCARFACE - NO EYES! DIE COBRAS - FANGLESS! YOU ARE AWESOME! NOW DECAPITATE EVIL M.C.!'), you can now travel from the Pleasure Dome to the very last arena and try to get it...

 EAT MY EYEBALLS!

The last arena in Super Smash TV is where you meet the host of the show himself. No longer, though, is he a small and slightly irritating figure with a nice line in catchphrases. He is, in fact, Mutoid Man revisited! He's a faster, more resilient and meaner version of Mutoid Man and he constantly fires streams of eyeballs instead of laser beams, but basically the strategies for killing him are exactly the same - just don't stand around in one place for too long. You'll almost certainly have to give up a few lives at this point, but keep pummelling away and he'll succumb eventually (not that he'll have much choice in the matter, having been completely blown to bits). A few more prizes later, and the final '?' icon will appear. Collect this, and - oh no! What's happened?

WHAT'S THE KEY?

To complete Smash TV properly, the crucial task is the collection of keys.If you haven't got 10 or more when you leave ALMOST ENOUGH KEYS, you won't be allowed to enter the Pleasure Dome, so it might help you to know that keys can be found on all of the following screens (and possibly some other ones as well, if you're lucky):

COLLECT 10 KEYS

MEET MR SHRAPNEL

EAT MY SHRAPNEL

MUTOID MAN

DEFEND ME

FILM AT 11

FIRE POWER IS NEEDED

LAZER DEATH ZONE

TURTLES NEARBY

MEET MY TWIN

ALMOST ENOUGH KEYS

SECRET ROOMS

There are three secret rooms in Super Smash TV, one in each of the three levels. The secret rooms are all located in the bottom right-hand corner of the map, and are accessed by getting to the bottom-right corner arena, clearing it, and going through the right-hand exit door (although it won't be indicated as an exit). When you enter a secret room you'll be able to collect a load of bonus prizes (unlike the ordinary bonus prize rooms, there aren't any baddies or mines in the secret rooms), then a big square icon with a '?' on it will appear in the bottom-right corner of the screen.

Collect this and three exits will start to flash. The right-hand exit always leads you straight to the boss at the end of that particular level (ie on level 2, going right from the secret room will take you directly to Scarface), going down will warp you to the top edge of the map, and going up will deposit you a couple of arenas away from the end-of-level boss (for example, on level 2 this means that going up will mean you have to tackle CHUNKS GALORE, while going down gives you METAL DEATH to battle through from). Reaching the secret rooms is simple, all you have to do is go down whenever you're presented with a choice of directions after clearing an arena until you reach the appropriate entry point, but they hold the key to the entire game. For only by visiting all of the secret rooms can you access the mysterious Turbo Mode...

TURBO MODE!

If you complete Super Smash TV as a Grand Champion, ie having collected all five '?' icons, what happens next comes as a bit of a shock. Firstly, the screen appears to give way to a messy interference pattern which gives you the impression you've somehow broken your cart (well, it fooled me, anyway). Then the game appears to get a grip of itself and what looks like a coin-op diagnostic test screen pops up. After a short pause in which the SNES pretends to check that all its chips are in working order, the screen blacks out, only to then display in small, insignificant-looking text, the ominous words 'TURBO MODE ACTIVATED... GOOD LUCK...YOU'LL NEED IT!' You then get a whole new set of lives and credits to add to any you might have had left over and you find yourself right back at the start of the game. With one small difference - this is the Smash TV Super Challenge, and everything (including you) now moves at twice the speed it did before! If you thought Super Smash TV was an adrenalin blast before, this'll blow your mind! Total Carnage? I love it!