Tell me something. Do you think we don't know? Do you think we don't know exactly why you've done everything you've done here? Do you think we don't know that you've gone 'Hey, this game's got great graphics, with a great realistic lighting effect, it'll look great on the back of the box, the kids'll be impressed, so we don't have to bother our arses writing a halfway-decent game'? Do you think we don't know that the reason you've made the route through each level of this tedious platform shoot-'em-up so horrible and tortuous is so that it'll seem like it's bigger and harder and more interesting than it really is?

Do you think we don't know that when a huge girder there was no way of anticipating whatsoever falls on RoboCop's head at the start of level three and kills him instantly, that that's just a trick to make us play the same bits of the levels over and over again until we've learned our way through the entire game (without the aid of continues or restart points), relieving you of the need to write a game that's challenging in any other way than as a test of memory? Do you think we're not utterly sick of enemies that regenerate as soon as we walk off the screen, even if they're bloody dustbins?

Do you think we're too stupid to spot the fact that the enemies never actually walk right up to RoboCop, because that'd mean you had to write a routine where he punched them or collided with them or something? Do you think that making the baddies (all two different types of 'em) fire at two different heights in the second level so that RoboCop has to crouch down now and again is an imaginative and clever way of increasing the difficulty level? Do you think we'll just accept the fact that RoboCop can climb up the very first telegraph pole at the start of the game, but none of the other ones afterwards, or the way he can walk across a telephone line that you simply haven't bothered to draw at all?

Do you think that sticking in a couple of nice ideas, like the little guys who run across rooftops in the distance and occasionally fire rockets at you in level two, will make us forgive you for the unbelievable lack of effort you've expended on the rest of the game? Do you think we won't notice that there's no music anywhere in the game at all? Do you think we won't notice that the only way you can get anyone to start playing it is to make it start automatically by itself every time you load it up or lose all your lives?

Do you think we don't realise that this is also just a clever trick to get you out of having to program a demo mode? Do you think we won't be appalled by the breathtaking slackness of the presentation (there isn't even a 'Game Over', for God's sake, when you die all you get is a Virgin Games logo flashing up a couple of times, then straight back into the auto-starting intro sequence)? Do you think we don't know that the only influence the Terminator's got on this game is the use of its name in the title to make gullible idiots buy it without checking to see if it's any good or not?

Do you think we're going to fall for this again? Do you think we're completely brainless? Don't call. Don't write. Goodbye forever.