No, I talk too much as it is. Let’s give the rest of the World a go for a change.

"But then what do I know, after all, I`m just one of the thousand other moronic software geeks..." - Team 17 boss Martyn Brown hints at the existence of some kind of club, while angrily attacking PCG’s review of the dismal Worms last month.

"That’s why we balance him with the journalistic brilliance of Rik Henderson." - Dominik Diamond, in an out-take from last month’s Hot Spot interview, answering the charge that the GamesMaster TV show attaches more weight to the face of Dave Perry than the games the show reviews.

"I feel as if my head’s been burgled." - Ex-PC Gamer editor Gary Whitta, feeling the strain one morning this month in his new job as Ed of Total Football magazine (in case you were wondering about him).

"They left empty-handed, I presume?" - Gaz’s deputy Richard Jones

"We have been under constant pressure from our customers for the last five years to bring back the PCW" - Amstrad chairman Alan Sugar, shortly before offering the opinion that Santa Claus was real, and that he couldn’t believe it wasn’t butter.

"Magic Carpet 2 was the first time in my life as a PR person I ever sent a letter like that." - Cathy Campos of Bullfrog defends her recent onslaught on PCG in games industry newspaper Computer Trade Weekly, shortly before being directly contradicted by at least five separate reviewers with personal experience of similar missives.

"You achieve nothing by throwing wobblies at magazines." - Marcus Dyson, MD of, funnily enough, Team 17 Multimedia Ltd, in the same article in CTW.

"Mapisp32 caused a stack fault in module ‘unknown’ and will be shut down. Please restart your computer." - My PC, every day this month, every time I try to open a folder. Love ‘em.

"Our industry is harbouring a dark and reactionary force. I speak of the Gameplay Puritans." - Colin Campbell (no relation), former publisher of Amiga Action, Amstrad Action and Sega Power magazines, bemoaning the tedious persistence of those who champion gameplay in games over the delights of "graphical whizzery, marketing brilliance and financial splendour".

"Games are games are games are games. But girls? Well, they’re like, y’know... girls. Aren’t they?" - Our chums at PC Zone, clearing up a spot of confusion for us.

"I really honestly believe that you couldn’t find your own arse with both hands and a map." - Hey, it’s Team 17’s Martyn Brown again, doubting PCG’s command of anatomy as well as PC games.

"Incredibly tedious to play." - Sega Power magazine on Golden Axe - The Duel, just prior to awarding a score of 70%. It’s as relevant as you want to make it.

"We think that blokes who play computer games all night long are completely sad." - Those crazy PC Zone boys drink beer, shag birds and empathise with the punters.

"The Internet is crap." - Dan Marchant of Virgin Interactive Entertainment speaks for all of us.

"I’m intelligent enough to listen to constructive criticism." - Martyn Brown once more, flying in the face of all the available evidence.

Awoooooo!