WILLY THE WOLF'S WORLD

Awooooo! Hi kids! Isn't everything great? You betcha! This month, I've been thinking about how completely brilliant it would be if there weren't any computer games magazines! At all! No, honestly! Everything would be fantastic! I mean, think of all the pocket money you'd save for a start! There must be about a hundred PC games magazines at least, and they cost about thirty-eleven-hundred pounds each! Just by not buying them every month, you'd save enough money for, well, loads of new games! And think how happy you'd be then! Because they'd all be fantastic games as well! Wouldn't that be ace?

And it would be, too! Because you see, I'm going to let you into a great big software industry secret! Wow!!! And this is it now - at first, absolutely every game ever in the world ever is totally smashing and great! I mean, before it's even properly finished or anything! Every single one ever! Because it's a computer game, and computer games are great! Yeah! But then bad stuff happens! Oh no! It DOES! The games get given to bad people, who are called 'journalists', or sometimes 'reviewers'! And they make them bad! They DO! They say bad stuff about them because it makes them look big and tough in front of their other-reviewer mates, and pretend to people that they are bad games, and then the people get unhappy! They DO! Because they think that the games, which are actually great, are bad, and that the money they have spent on them, which was hardly any money AT ALL, was rubbish money because they didn't have any fun with it! Even though they did really, but the bad reviewers made them think they didn't! Boo! I hate reviewers!!! Don't you?

Because if there weren't any reviewers, all the people who make the games could just tell everyone how great the games all were themselves, and it'd be brilliant! Because the games playing people would think that all the games were fantastic games, and if they didn't want to play them for very long, then it would be just because they were stupid for not liking the games when everybody else did! So they'd be happy, except when they were thinking they were stupid, but even then they'd still be happy really because they'd still have so much money that they could just forget about the game they didn't want to play and go and buy another one, which they would want to play lots because it was so great! They WOULD!

And then everybody would have lots and lots of brilliant games, which would be bad (but just for a tiny tiny minute, so it's alright) because they just wouldn't have time to play them all, but then they'd remember that they didn't really want to play some of them very much so it'd be alright! Great! And all the people who make the games would be happy because they'd have lots of money and they'd be able to buy nice cars and houses even if they weren't very good at making games, and then they'd probably make even better games anyway because they were so happy! Hurray!

And the reviewers would be happy too, because they could stop making up lies and pretending to be hard in front of their other-reviewer mates, and go and get jobs doing something they liked instead! And they could be nice about that thing because they liked it and that would make all the other people who really liked that thing feel really good and happy!

And the people who had shops that they sold things in would be happy too, because all the games would be so great that they could just have all of them in their shops and still sell lots and lots however much they cost, because everyone would know that they were all great and so it didn't matter which ones they bought! Although they'd probably buy all of them anyway, because they'd have so much money from not buying magazines! Wow!!! I really really like it when I think about how happy everybody would be!

But then I get sad (but just for a tiny tiny minute, though, so it's alright). Because there still are magazines, and bad reviewers who don't always say that everything's great, even though it is! There ARE! And they make the people who have the software companies unhappy, because they say bad things about the software company people's games! And then people don't buy them, because they've been buying magazines and so they haven't got enough money left to buy all the games! And the reviewers are happy then, because they've made everybody else unhappy and they like to do that because nobody likes them, and because they really like it when nobody likes them and says nasty things about them anyway! Because they're stupid and bad, ha ha ha! Boo!!! I hate reviewers and magazines! Don't you? Awooooo!