1 Make a film

Promising "the thrills and pitfalls of executive decisions within the movie entertainment industry", this irresistible-sounding vehicle for the bearded alien lover himself gives you the chance to make a little movie, then "press the button and watch as your directorial debut is transferred to celluloid." Woo. You get to design the cinema poster, too. "Don't worry about the occasional trembler; this is California."

(Steven Spielberg's Director's Chair from Random House for PC CD, £49.99)

2 Fly a small passenger aeroplane

Microsoft's legendary Flight titles are undoubtedly the most realistic and lifelike simulations of flying you can get for a computer, and this latest version is the most impressive yet. On the other hand, for the same money you could have a couple of real lessons, really flying a real plane in the real sky, looking at real scenery and really not having to worry about your stupid useless PC really crashing every three minutes while you were doing it. No, really.

(Flight Simulation 6.0 from Microsoft for PC CD, £49.99)

3 Play Cluedo

Mm. Yeah. Gather the whole family around the PC for an evening. Granny too. I can just picture it. Mm.

(Cluedo from Hasbro for PC CD, £39.99)

4 Build pinball machines

21^st Century have carved a reputation for some of the best pinball games in the business. Now, however, they want you to do all the work for them, by designing, building and decorating your own tables before playing them. Ideal software for the masochist, or guilty Catholics requiring some penance before committing the sin of fun, but if the rest of us had wanted to build the damn things before we played them, we'd probably have got a job in an arcade, yes?

(Pinball Construction Kit from 21^st Century for PC CD, £44.99)

5 Go fishing

A stupid idea? Certainly. Somewhat missing the point of fishing by attempting to inject arcade pad-bashing excitement into it? Indubitably. All the tedium of the real thing without the apres-fish bragging in the pub or the tasty dinner with chips at the end of it all to compensate? For sure. BUT... oh. There's no "but." Dang.