May 2001
What would you do / If you saw
spaceships / over Glasgow? / Would you feel them? If youre looking for the Gamecube backlash to start here, chums, youve come to the wrong place. But theres a bit more to it than that. Hoob hoob hooray!
PAGE 2 Im feeling more cheerful about the world of videogames this weekend than just about any time in living memory, pals, but its not just because Ive seen a whole bunch of fab-looking new Nintendo and Rare games. (It feels like the two companies have been away from us with their special magic for years, even though they actually havent.) Its not even that, unlike the N64, the rest of the business looks like getting behind the Gamecube and giving it a chance of the widespread success that eluded Nintendos previous machine.
PAGE 3 No, the really great news about the Gamecube is that its going to come out in the same week as the Xbox. Why is that great? Because it just might cause the entire games industry to be sliced in two with a massive bloodstained cleaver, thats why. (DISCLAIMER: If any stupid Americans go out on a slice-crazy bloodstained cleaver rampage in their local McDonalds after reading the previous sentence - well, in the grand scheme of things, what does it matter? Its only some Americans.)
PAGE 4 Because for the last couple of years Ive been bemoaning the Return Of The Spods to the games industry. You know who I mean, thhe sort of limp-minded, soulless nerds whove made it impossible to release a racing game where you dont have to balance your wheel nuts for half an hour before you even get out onto the track. These are the people who are indirectly responsible for the abysmally dire quality of almost every PS2 game released so far, and it might just be that were going to be rid of them.
PAGE 5 Because with the Xbox and Gamecube coming out on almost the same day, people, and also game developers, are going to be forced into a choice. Most gamers wont buy both machines, so theyll have to choose between the one with the embarrassing, "kiddie"-style games about little cartoon monsters, dungaree-clad plumbers (is Luigi a plumber?) and talking foxes, or the one with "grown-up" games with big-muscled bazooka-toting heroes, huge scowling sportsmen and "realism" dripping from every pore.
PAGE 6 And when people make that choice, it just might be that those of us who like a bit of magic in our games will get to play with a cute little console thats brimming with it, but has a chance of being successful enough to keep those games coming for years. Meanwhile, the Spods can play their spoddy, anal, joyless drivel in peace and stop ruining things for the rest of us. Will your future be Donkey Kong Racing, or will it be Monumentally Tedious Formula 1 Game 74? The balls in your court, viewers. |
||