March 2001
Theres no time to pray/And
theres no time to beg/Then its off with an arm/Or its off with a leg/And
if I spare your life/Its because the tide is leaving ("Hello viewers!") So, whos got their £150 imported Game Boy Advance, then? Because Ive got a lump of three-month-old cheese Id like to sell you. Fifty quid?
PAGE 2 To absolutely no-ones surprise, the GB Advance sold like hot sushi at its launch in Japan last week, and of course also to the usual loonies who pay triple the price to importers so they can some play old NES and SNES games a few weeks before the official UK release in June. The thing is, though, if you take a step back, its a bit difficult to see any actual reason why. (Apart from the fact that the Japanese would buy dog poo in a box, as long as it was newer and smaller than the old dog poo.)
PAGE 3 Because lets take a look at the apparent reasons for the success of the Game Boy and its newest offspring. 1. POKEMON Pokemon games account for around 99% of all sales of original Game Boy games, and 20% of GB Color sales (even though there arent even any "proper" Pokemon games on GBC at all). Yet there wont be any Pokemon games on GBA for at least a year and a half. So it cant be the Pokemon fans who are buying them.
PAGE 4 REASONS FOR THE SUCCESS OF THE GAME BOY NO. 2 - BACKWARDS COMPATIBILITY Supposedly one of the prime reasons for the success of each new Game Boy was the ability to play all your old GB games on it. However, (and its a bit embarrassing, chums, that Ive only just noticed this) the GBAs backwards compatibility is actually horrible. GBA carts are much smaller than GB ones, so GB games stick out a mile from the top of the GBA while youre playing them. Also, the screen displays of the two machines are different sizes.
PAGE 5 What these facts mean is that if you try to play your GB games on your GBA on the train or the bus, the sticky-out GB carts will probably get constantly caught on other commuters clothes and briefcases and stuff as they walk past, wrenching the console out of your hands and smashing it to bits on the floor. And even if they dont, youll have to play your old games either horribly stretched and distorted to fit the screen, or with big ugly black borders around them, like a UK PS2 game. Ugh.
PAGE 6 REASONS FOR THE SUCCESS OF THE GAME BOY NO. 3 INVENTIVE GAMEPLAY Part of the reason people feel so fondly towards the GB is that it offered gameplay of a type that, increasingly, you just couldnt get anywhere else ie old-fashioned, 2D and simple. However, with at least half the GBAs planned launches seemingly being cheap rehashes of 10-year-old SNES games (or even older NES games), it doesnt look like thats going to be true for long.
PAGE 7 I may be wildly overestimating the intelligence of the game-buying public here (it certainly wouldnt be the first time), but Im having trouble seeing that large numbers of people are going to be happy to fork out £35-£40 a time for the privilege of playing more or less direct ports of SNES games that they could pick up for three quid at their local second-hand shop. (With the SNES itself going for another fiver.) Yeah, itd be nice to play Super Mario World on the bus. But not THAT nice.
PAGE 8 But, yknow, Im probably wrong on this one. Game Boy Advance will probably be a massive success, purely because everyone loves the Game Boy so much. But the hugely ugly nature of the GB compatibility, and the cynical, cheapskate line-up of launch software, have left a nasty taste (like, say, brussel sprouts covered in chocolate and served in vinegar) in my mouth. Much to my own surprise, I wont be buying an import GBA. And at least until Super Mario World is out, pals, Im not even sure I want one at all. |
||