Do you feel dirty, chums? Do you feel cheap, dirty and used? I certainly hope so.

Black coat – white shoes – black hat – Cadillac!

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Because anything up to 165,000 of you are currently sitting out there looking at your launch-day PS2, and the chances are that you’re feeling, quite rightly, like the biggest idiot in Idiot Town.

Try not to be too hard on yourselves – after all, we’ve all fallen for hype at one time or another, and while it’s embarrassing, you’re not alone. Accept our understanding, comforting hand on your shoulder and move on with your life a better, wiser person.

There, there, now. It’s alright.

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But what about the rest of you? Because at the time I’m writing this, it looks extremely likely that there aren’t in fact 165,000 PS2 owners out there at all, but very substantially fewer.

And with a decent number of PS2 pre-orders seemingly not taken up it looks, at the moment, like you WILL in fact be able to go out and simply buy a PS2 off a shop shelf right now if you want to.

The question is, do you want to? And the answer to that question is: What are you, stupid or something? Or what?

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Because here’s something that’s true, chums – only a complete moron is going to buy a PS2 this year. The console is horrendously over-priced, the game line-up is rotten, and the machine doesn’t even work properly.

Defying the predictions of everyone in the games industry (myself included), Sony have made the world’s biggest mess-up of launching the PS2, and if you buy one now, the person paying for that mess-up will be you.

Explanation? Coming right up.

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Let’s deal with those points in reverse order. Doesn’t work properly? Sony have admitted that the PS2’s DVD playback – a large part of the reason many people bought one – is completely messed-up through an RGB SCART cable.

Rotten game line-up? The only vaguely decent launch games are Timesplitters, SSX and Fantavision, and all of those are so short that if you buy your PS2 on Saturday morning, you’ll have finished all three by Sunday night.

And horrendously overpriced? Let’s see.

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The PS2’s competition at the moment is of course the Dreamcast, a machine that’s - in terms of games available now - at least equal to it technically. (In fact, the best DC games look miles better than the best PS2 ones so far, but let’s be generous.)

So what will it cost you to buy the two competing systems? Well, you can buy a DC with a DVD player and some games (and a free DVD movie and some other extras) for £250. To buy a PS2 system to the same specifications, exactly how much are you going to have to fork out?

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To match the Dreamcast’s basic package, would-be PS2 owners will have to fork out £300 for the actual console. Then there’s another £120 for three games (and £20 for the movie). Then there’s £30 for a multi-tap to match the DC’s four-player capabilities.

Then you’ll need an add-on modem for Net access and online gaming, which isn’t actually available yet but will very likely be at least another £50, plus £15 for an add-on DVD remote control. Just to match the £250 DC, then, PS2 buyers will have spent £535.

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And after having blown £535 to match the £250 DC, what will PS2 owners actually have? A hideously ugly machine with a bunch of inferior games and inferior, messed-up DVD playback.

The DC owners, meanwhile, will be playing some of the best and most innovative games for years, as well as some of the best arcade conversions of all time and an increasingly impressive back catalogue of original DC titles.

Doubt me? Then hurry on to the next page and prepare to be wrong.

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Because here’s your choice for your £535. A PS2 with the only three half-decent games available for it, which will last you a weekend between them.

Or a Dreamcast with a superior DVD player and ALL of these: Jet Set Radio, Shenmue, Metropolis Street Racer, Space Channel 5, Crazy Taxi, Quake 3, Virtua Tennis, Bangai-o, Soul Calibur, Ferrari F355, Silent Scope, Resident Evil Code Veronica, and 18 Wheeler. (And in fact, DC games are so heavily discounted that you’ll probably be able to get at least another three more on top of those.)

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When you look at it like that, it’s not much of a contest, is it? And there’s yet another bonus with the DC option – with the bundle currently on sale you get a "Region 0" DVD player, which means you can play movies from anywhere in the world, not just the tatty, late UK releases you get with the PS2.

Plus with the Action Replay CDX demo given away for free with a magazine, you can play imported DC games as well, so you’re getting a truly universal gaming and entertainment centre instead of a crippled UK-only one.

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Now chums, you know I’ve booted Sega in the teeth many times in this column, so I’m no zealot. But the fact of the matter is that, not before time, the DC finally has a range of truly excellent software, and both the machine and the games are available at (compared to the PS2, anyway) bargain-bucket prices.