There's been a lot of fuss about retro games. People slagging off old games, people slagging off new games. But the problem today isn't with games. The problem is that MODERN GAMESPLAYERS ARE RUBBISH.

Why? Why:

GORMLESS MAN

Here's a quiz:

Name five great Playstation games.

OR five great Saturn games.

Here's the rules:

No racing games, beat-'em-ups, or coin-op conversions. Or Doom.

The reason you can't is that those are the only kinds of games software publishers release. But the REASON for that? Whose fault is it? It's yours.

COUNTRY MOUSE

No.1 - MODERN GAMESPLAYERS ARE WIMPS.

Oh, but they are. The biggest single difference between old and new games is the difficulty - by comparison, the old games are ASTONISHINGLY hard. This is a good thing. (Think not? You're a wimp.)

Americans are mostly to blame, but all of today's gamers baulk at games which actually require some effort and skill to get to the end sequence. Players want to finish games without trying.

No? Then explain EVERY SONIC GAME EVER.

F.O.P. M.A.N.

No. 2 - MODERN GAMESPLAYERS ARE CHEATS.

And if you're in any doubt about my previous point, then eat this: read any games magazine tips pages recently?

Playing tips (read: cheating) are taking over mags, to the extent of mags being devoted entirely to them. People write in demanding cheats for games which have only been out for days.

What's the point of that? What's the point in getting someone else to play your games for you? I don't get it.

ERNOLD LAME

No. 3 - MODERN GAMESPLAYERS ARE OBSESSED WITH MULTI-PLAYER GAMES.

Look, I love Bomberman as much as the next guy. But it's getting a bit much when something like Ridge Racer gets slagged off for being one-player only.

Have you EVER met ANYONE who carries a PS and a spare telly around to their mate's house to play link-up games?

Games should be good games in their own right. If you've GOT friends round, WHY NOT PLAY COWBOYS AND INDIANS INSTEAD?

HE THOUGHT OF CARS (AND FIGHTING)

No. 4 - MODERN GAMESPLAYERS ARE SCARED.

Of anything they haven't seen a million times before. Go into a 1980 arcade and you'd see a hundred different kinds of game. (If it was a BIG arcade, anyway). Go into one today, and you'll see two.

If you're only going to play driving games and beat-'em-ups, it's hardly surprising that no-one makes any other kinds of game any more. Get some nerve. Learn something other than a new combo.