This month’s P4 is brought to you by our "retail partner", the fantastic new album "Trouble Over Bridgwater" by Half Man Half Biscuit.

Is that our phone ringing, or is it on the telly?

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The album opens with a splendid fast-paced singalong number called "Irk The Purists", making a plea for open-minded appreciation of pop songs no matter how "cool", or otherwise, the artist is.

(So, the Playstation 2 finally has an official UK launch date – October 26.)

The second track, "Uffington Wassail", is even better, a collection of non-sequiteur observational-humour lines and random attacks on TV personalities, set to a tune reminiscent of the HMHB classic "Trumpton Riots".

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The band’s mastery of different musical styles is demonstrated on "Nove On The Sly", an accomplished hardcore trance techno track over which singer Nigel recites, amongst other things, his shopping list.

(It’s interesting that the US price of $299 has been announced, but not the UK one, even though the release dates are the same for the two territories.)

The song’s subtext is that even the most "hardcore" bands probably listen to Radio 2 when no-one’s watching them.

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The album then takes a bit of a surreal turn, first with "The Ballad Of Climie Fisher", a fanciful tale about the subsequent careers of the members of the rubbish 80s duo.

(Sony may well be waiting to see how far the price of the DC comes down here. Whatever happens, the most likely price for the PS2 is probably £249.)

The there’s a disturbing story of a man haunted everywhere he goes by people who look exactly like BBC sports commentator Tony Gubba. Spooky.

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Towards the middle part of the album, the band return to some favourite themes, namely football and goths, in tracks entitled "Mathematically Safe" and "With Goth On Our Side".

(Sony would almost certainly lose money on each PS2 sold at that price, but it could well be worth it to them to bury the struggling Sega once and for all.)

The ninth track, "Used To Be In Evil Gazebo", also touches on a recurring idea, the cynical relationship between pop bands and the music press.

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The album’s most surprising moment comes in the shape of "It’s Cliched To Be Cynical At Christmas", a self-explanatory title for a track couched in pealing church bells, swooning strings and children’s choirs.

(If the price is as high as £299, expect a cut to £249 before Christmas, though that would be a risky strategy.)

Unusually for the Biscuits, the song has no apparent punchline, and is simply a beautiful and sincere tune a bit like "Stay Another Day" by East 17.

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Fans of the band’s trademark black humour will be reassured by the very next track, though, "Visitor For Mr. Edmonds", which is simply a minute-long recording of a hospital’s heart monitor slowing to a steady flatline tone.

(Sony won’t want to make the same mistake Nintendo did with the N64.)

Though it isn’t explicitly stated anywhere, it’s probably about the faded career of beardy git Noel Edmonds, of whom the band have a well-documented hatred. And hey, who doesn’t?

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The album ends strongly with four superb tracks in a row, from the travelogue-as-metaphor of "Bottleneck At Capel Curig" to the funny diatribe of "Twenty Four Hour Garage People".

(However, if stocks of PS2 are still scarce, Sony may actually go for the higher price purely in order to avoid the bad press of shortages.)

All in all, "Trouble Over Bridgwater" is the band’s best album since the seminal "Back Again In The DHSS", all the way back in 1985. Go and buy it!!!

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I hope, viewers, that you’ve enjoyed this little trip into the online, ad-funded future of the games press.

(After all, every man has his price. It just turns out that mine was £11.99.)

And hey, you can’t complain, can you? Because Digitiser is free, isn’t it?

So don’t you worry your little heads about anything. Just trust us. Give us your money. Shh, now. No questions.