Recently, for an article I was writing, I had to spend a weekend reading a whole bunch of Playstation magazines.

So I don't see why I should be the only one who has to suffer.

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Don't panic, though, chums. I'm not going to subject you to any of the hideous drivel I had to wade through. But while I was reading one of the mags, I stumbled across an advert for a thing that I thought had to be the most ridiculous peripheral ever.

But, in a shocking and rare moment of personal clarity, I realised I could be making a serious misjudgement. Because the games business has come up with some truly, stunningly awful attempts at separating us from our spare cash over the years. Remember these?

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No.1 - The Spirit Steering Wheel

Way back in the 80s, a company called Spirit Software made a big play out of their forthcoming Spectrum racing game Formula One, which was to come complete with a steering wheel add-on.

When the game finally arrived, many months late, the wheel turned out to be a small frisbee which you sat on your keyboard and which pressed the 1-9 keys for varying degrees of turn, depending on where you touched it. Spirit Software went bust almost immediately.

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No.2 - The Activator

I think that was what it was called, anyway. This fantastic Sega innovation was basically an angular hula hoop which you put on the floor and which then "sensed" your movements as you flailed your limbs around wildly and translated them into punches and kicks for beat-'em-ups.

Luckily, everyone who saw one being demonstrated collapsed into such fits of laughter that they were unable to stop for long enough to buy one.

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No.3 - The Sega Chair

Undeterred, the company set about another classic design. At first, it looked like this was going to be a hydraulic chair that would throw the player around, like in the arcades.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be a chair that YOU had to throw yourself around in in order to make your on-screen character move. Still, the experience of playing FIFA Soccer in four-player mode with four chairs was one I'll certainly never forget...

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No.4 - The Game Cowl

A cherishable piece of sheer madness, the Game Cowl sought to address the terrible problem of screen glare when playing handheld consoles in the sun.

It achieved this by being a big black helmet with a heavy all-round curtain attached, that you wore Darth Vader-style in order to surround yourself with a shroud of total darkness. The only drawback, of course, was being beaten up by muggers that you couldn't see coming. And looking like a twat.

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No.5 - The Nintendo Super Scope

"The problem with light guns," thought Nintendo, "isn't that they're horribly inaccurate, stupidly expensive, and extremely limited in what they can do."

"No," they continued to think, "the problem is that they're just not big, awkward and uncomfortable enough to hold, plus they don't really make you feel sick after 10 minutes by forcing you to use only one eye and mucking up your depth perception. But wait - WE HAVE THE SOLUTION!" The buffoons.

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No. 6 - Any of those ludicrous giant robotic exo-skeleton things that you bolted on to your Game Boy in order to make it look like a little arcade machine, with a magnifier, light, speakers and a big joystick thing.

Because - and you can call me stupid, call me dim, or call me irresponsible - wasn't the WHOLE POINT of the Game Boy that it was a tiny little thing you could carry around in your pocket? If you were in your house, where your proper consoles were, why the heck would you want to use a Game Boy?

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No.7 - The Marquadian Console Tidy

But in the end, I found myself back with my original inspiration. The MCT is a yellow, tin tea-tray, slightly raised off the ground, which you sit your PS on. There are two little arms on which to rest your joypads (as long as you've wound the cables round them).

This arrangement "protects your heads from dust", apparently. And it "looks funky and in yer face".

The Marquadian Console Tidy costs £20.

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But underneath all the cheap laughs, there's a serious point to all this "silly peripherals" nonsense.

Oh no, hang on. There isn't. It was just an easy way to get some cheap laughs all along.

Um...

Coo, that David Beckham, eh?

Lordy, is that the time?