Hello again, and welcome to this, the second in an exclusive series of letters from me, Stuart Campbell, to you, someone else. In this letter, I'll be taking you through all the great features in this impossibly sexy issue of AMIGA POWER, the world's best-selling Amiga games magazine with 'POWER' in the title, pointing out all the really fabulous bits written by me and all the manky old tosh everybody else did. But first, the news.

Political commentators were stunned today when Prime Minister John Major announced that all subscribers to AMIGA POWER magazine would be allocated two votes each in the forthcoming General Election. Speaking from a heavily-fortified bunker at a secret location in central London, the PM said:

"It has been conclusively proven after extensive research by Edwina Currie that readers of AMIGA POWER are up to four times as intelligent in real terms as readers of other magazines. I therefore have complete confidence in entrusting them with a key role in deciding the government of the nation for the next five years."

In a rare concurrence, Leader Of The Opposition Neil Kinnock agreed completely with his Conservative counterpart.

"Far be it from me to accept the Rt. Hon. gentleman's opinion on anything, but I feel the evidence for the superior taste and discernment of AP readers seems beyond any reasonable doubt. Where we differ is that I firmly believe that they will use this judgement to ensure that the country is freed from the oppressive economic and social policies that his party have inflicted on the people of Britain for the last 13 years."

As ever, though, Liberal Democrat head Paddy Ashdown had a slightly different angle on the debate.

"Phwoar, that Amanda Cook's a bit of alright, isn't she?"

But while the nation's politicians were in consensus, one dissenting voice WAS heard.

"Are you kidding? You'd have to be out of your mind to pay good money for that old rubbish! I mean, those reviews! Who wants to know about Parasol Stars, Special Forces, Space Crusade, Ork or Titus The Fox? And who, quite frankly, gives a flying monkey's about which beat-'em-ups are the best? 'Definition Of Sound' my trousers! 'Definition Of A Load Of Old Crap', more like! And they must have been up all night - I don't think - dreaming up those other features, like Diary Of A Game, the vox pop among software purchasers at London's Virgin Games Centre, or Year Of The Owl, the first in-depth feature on reclusive giant publishers Psygnosis anyone's been allowed to do in years. And as for the assertion that there are probably more good games in this issue than in any other one so far, well, I can only assume the editor must have been raging drunk or barking mad at the time - I've seen more entertaining things up a donkey's bottom! AMIGA POWER? I wouldn't give you tuppence for it!"

Shut up, Matt.

Stuart Campbell

News At Ten

Bath