Professor D Phamblemell, MA
Rotters! Be sure your sins will find you out
"Caesar adsum jam forte"


Lord Jesus is fortunate to have SECURED THE INVIGILATORY services of respected gentleman of this parish PROFESSOR DREWSY PHAMBLEMELL, thunderously stern headmaster of the famous educational college, St CRIKEY'S.

St CRIKEY'S, which has turned out so many valuable and morally-unimpeachable MEMBERS OF SOCIETY, including those of the COMMITTEE itself, was established in 1594 by Her Gracious Majesty Queen Elizabeth, whom may GOD PROTECT, and for over four hundred years Professor Phamblemell has IMPROVED and SHAPED the minds of a nation. He is perhaps the cleverest man in the entire world, and certainly the most pitiless.

The Professor has drawn up a list of rules regarding the submission of claims for scores of merit, and gentlemen patronising the Parlour undertake to follow them faithfully.


RULES REGARDING THE SUBMISSION OF CLAIMS FOR SCORES OF MERIT
AS DRAWN UP BY PROFESSOR D PHAMBLEMELL, MA
WHICH GENTLEMEN PATRONISING THE PARLOUR UNDERTAKE TO FOLLOW FAITHFULLY

1. All rules of the PARLOUR and further those of the PARTICULAR gaming room MUST BE FOLLOWED. No one cares about MERELY SCORING HIGHLY.

2. A gentleman's submission must be accompanied by a visual record displaying such a screen as required by individual game rules. These electric photographs ought to be supplied in ZIP, PNG or GIF format, the implosive nature of which correctly minimises wasteful monopolisation of Mr Bell's speaking telegraph.

3. A gentleman's submission must include the simple typewritten details of GAME NAME and SCORE ACHIEVED so that the process of verification may begin even before the photographic evidence has been reassembled by our chief scientist.

4. A gentleman's submission must be despatched to the Parlour Committee.


The Professor would remind those who did not attend St Crikey's, and who are therefore subject to the TEMPTATION OF EMBROIDERY, that to cheat a gentleman is to cheat oneself, and to cheat oneself is the act of a CAD and a BOUNDER defying the laws of GOD IN HIS HOLY HEAVEN. He who observes fair play will prosper in his elevation to the ANNALS OF REMARKABLY SPLENDID ENDEAVOUR. He who cheats will be subject to the MOST HIDEOUS tortures of the basest demons of hell for the infinite entirety of ALL ETERNITY.


A wretched cheat
O! If I had not yielded
"I am undone"