HOLIDAYS IN THE SUN
Queen Of Japan
(Spotify)

Coincidentally, this is also the first song that I ever played live onstage with a band, as one quarter of the inimitable Fuckwitts. (It's quite a tricky bassline for a first go.)

Here, though, Queen Of Japan offer a laid-back, bouncy, slightly Kraftwerky lounge-techno interpretation of Johnny Rotten's disaffected Berlin travelogue to get the WoS Birthday Album off to a mellow start.

BODIES
Veruca Salt

Still subdued, but bringing a little bit more edge into proceedings, is this quietly menacing 1995 remodel of the album's controversy-courting treatise on abortion, by the American landfill alt-rock outfit named after a character in my favourite childhood book, Roald Dahl's 'Charlie And The Chocolate Factory'.

They can't resist going a bit stadium rock by the end, but bless 'em for trying.

NO FEELINGS
Bananarama
(Spotify)

Only recently discovered by your reporter, this is a real prize. A little-known inclusion on the Nanas' 1983 debut album, this is a brilliant ska-channelling jaunt through the Pistols' defiant/pouty hymn to insularity.

There's even a charming little tribute to the comedy legend of Morecambe And Wise about three-quarters of the way through.

LIAR
The Bollock Brothers
(Spotify)

'Liar' is a bit of a filler track on the original album, but the Bollock Brothers version gives it a nice twist by turning it (and the rest of the album, in fact) into 1980s New Romantic synth-pop for no adequately-explored reason, which makes it kinda fun. It's even more fun if you imagine it's being sung by Steve Strange, assuming you have any idea who Steve Strange is.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
Nouvelle Vague
(Spotify)

'God Save The Queen' seems to be a rather harder track to get to the melodic heart of than some other Pistols tunes.

Of the many attempts that have been made at it (most horribly by ludicrous metal lunkheads Megadeth) only Nouvelle Vague's characteristic urban folk approach manages to successfully infuse it with anything resembling a different tone.

PROBLEMS
The Krays

There's also a version of 'Problems' on Spotify by Megadeth, and again it's deeply gruesome - even, in this case, by the fairly low standards set by the original song.

The Krays' attempt isn't going to set any world records for original thinking, but it's a good bit more listenable, if only because the singer doesn't sound quite so much as if he's trapped his plums in a car door.

SEVENTEEN
Uke Punk

A strong contender for the title of finest track on this compilation, and also proudly representing the hottest trend in music today: the ukulele-based cover version.

(Inexplicably, for some reason the Ukulele Orchestra Of Great Britain's concert DVD 'Anarchy In The Ukulele' doesn't feature even a single Sex Pistols number, though. What's that all about?)

ANARCHY IN THE UK (v2)
Opium Jukebox
(Spotify)

I'm also a huge fan of this dreamy bhangra reinterpretation of 'Anarchy', though, which has its own special Pistols connection.

Opium Jukebox is a band featuring Martin Atkins of Pigface, who was also the drummer for most of the early recordings of Public Image Limited, the band formed by Johnny Rotten after the Sex Pistols split up in 1978. Small world, eh?

SUBMISSION
Belinda Carlise/The Radiators

'Submission' was omitted from the original pressings of NMTB, and you can see why, as it's a bit dull. (The only interesting thing about it is that Rotten's lyric is a parody of Malcolm McLaren's request for an S&M-themed song of the same title.)

This electroclash cover by Belinda Carlisle comes from an intriguing compilation which puts Kenickie alongside Robbie Williams and the Fun Lovin' Criminals. I wonder what they all talked about.

PRETTY VACANT
Sofia
(Spotify)

'A Punk Lounge Experience' is the subtitle of difficult-to-Google songstress Sofia's covers album, and it's a totally appropriate description for this sultry, woozy rendition of the juvenile-stealth-swearing classic.

(Though counting Thin Lizzy, Led Zeppelin and Queens Of The Stone Age as 'punk' is probably stretching the term a little far.)

NEW YORK
Murphy's Law

'New York' is far and away the weakest track on NMTB, and generic grunge-metal muppets Murphy's Law didn't bother trying to improve it any with this thoroughly pointless and workmanlike karaoke yowl through its two minutes and 51 seconds.

If Nintendo ever do 'Elite Beat Agents Never Mind The Bollocks Edition', this is what it'll sound like.

EMI
Cuban Boys

Fortunately we get to finish on a much livelier note with this taut and springy drum-machine-driven rework from the band more widely remembered for their 1999 novelty hit 'Cognoscenti vs Intelligentsia', better known as 'Hamster Dance'.

Evidently EMI hadn't become any better to deal with since the Pistols' day.